A Sickle For Your Thoughts
by PillsPotionz
Summary: Set in a world after the Great Battle of Hogwarts - Mudbloods do not exist. Valeria writes in her diary the details of her Mother's strange habits, who frequently suffers from bipolar fits of manic depression. With a Mother who is ill, a Father who is second-in-command, a brother who won't tell her anything, Valeria must put the clues together herself. Epistolary format. OC.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

It's been ten days since the incident. Last Father wrote, Mother is still frightened and won't come out of her room. She does this often. I mean if someone were to read this diary, then they would find out just how often this happens. Not that they ever will. Father charmed it so that only I could open it. However, this time Mother's episode is different. Normally Mother's outbursts do not last for more than a few days. She will scream and shout until Father is forced to send us away promising that we can come back after he calms Mother down. But it's been ten days and Aunt Cissy says that we still can't go home.

Yesterday Aunt Cissy and I had lunch in her private chambers -roasted peasant, dauphinoise potatoes with steamed vegetables and a thick, rich gravy. Aunt Cissy was so quiet that I found it unnerving to be in her presence. But according to Father, she hasn't been the same since she lost her only son, often floating away into an imaginary world where Cousin Draco would have been alive. I asked Aunt Cissy repeatedly where Rod had gone but she wouldn't respond. I hate being here without Rod. Even if Rod has become strange these days. He keeps telling me to stay alert around everyone, especially our family. He won't tell me why though. Just that he thinks everyone is hiding something big. I offered to try find out what it was but he says not to meddle. I don't really care. I just want to go home.

Until next time,

Valeria

-x-


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

It's been three days since we've been allowed to come back home. We leave for Hogwarts in less than two weeks but I can't summon the energy to be excited. I really should be though. Third year means Hogsmeade and smuggling in crates of butter beer from Honeydukes. It means hosting proper dorm sleepovers- Slytherin style. I really do hope Oliver Knott asks me to go with him on the very first trip because if he doesn't, I shall have to bury my feelings and be done with him. It will be embarrassing otherwise.

There is an odd atmosphere in our home that I cannot understand. Father observes Mother so intently all the time that even I have started to do the same. He has been home for the past three days –something extremely rare, I can assure you - and Dotty has been preparing the most elegant and mouth-watering dishes. However, this morning Father watched Mother like a Hippogriff watches its wayward young as she silently ate her poached eggs and honey-oat toast in dainty little morsels. I simply forgot about eating altogether because I was too busy staring at them. It occurred to me suddenly how odd it is that Father is so much older than Mother even if he does not look it. That's wizarding years for you I suppose. But the way Father observes Mother begins to scare me. It's like he's waiting for her to start screaming again. I expected her to be perfectly okay when we returned but she clearly isn't. Mother has been so quiet since Rod and I have come home that we don't dare to make too much noise in case she gets upset again.

Everything will be okay again soon though. Hopefully. Last night, I was in Mother's chamber watching over her as she slept just because I miss her voice so much. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, her brown curly hair so messy and dishevelled, sticking up in every direction. I took her comb, the ruby-red one that Aunt Cissy had charmed so that it doesn't get stuck even in Mother's bushy locks, and proceeded to slowly comb what I could without waking her. Then she started to mutter all sorts but I could not really make out what she was saying. I only caught her saying Rod - twice. I shall not lie but hearing that thrilled me. If Mother's saying Rod's name then she must miss us too. I just wish she would wake and be normal again.

Valeria

-X-


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

Mother started screaming again today. Rod grabbed my hand as soon as we heard her from outside where we had both been reading in the rose garden - that horrid shrieking of hers striking fiercely and permeating the air. I can't even begin to describe what it sounds like when she starts. Words do not do it justice. It is as if someone is torturing her. As if someone has placed her under the most barbaric of curses, perhaps even the unforgivable cruciatus curse, before she starts gasping for breath in huge gulps which appear a hundred times worse as an aftermath to her screaming. The process usually repeats twice, maybe thrice before Rod and I are ushered into the floo and sent away before we're able to see or hear anymore. This time however, Rod dragged me inside, forcing me into hiding behind the family tapestry. There is a secret passage here that requires our blood to appear. Rod discovered it when he was seven. Father doesn't know about it which is why we're hiding in here, my knees curled to my chest as the ceiling is so low one must half crawl or simply lie down to achieve any sense of comfort. We wanted to hear what exactly Mother says when she has her random fits of rage. What bothers her so. Well I particularly didn't want to really, and I wish now that I did not know anything at all but Rod had insisted that it was important.

We think someone has stunned Mother or force-fed her a calming draught because she is no longer screaming. Dotty is though. She's shouting for us to stop hiding and to go straight to Aunt Cissy's. I was scared Dotty would use her Elf magic and find us but Rod says it's not possible. Our ancestors spelled this passage well.

So far we've heard the strangest, most awful things. Mother kept screaming a name, Ron - not Rod. Rod gripped my hand ever so tightly when he first heard it that I was sure my fingers would certainly break. But it got much worse than that and suddenly I was grateful that Rod was holding me so. Mother was hissing and shouting saying she'll never tell anyone anything; to kill her and be done with it. I tried to ask Rod what he thought she meant but he put his hand over my mouth so that he could listen properly. His hand was clammy. We heard Mother screeching like a banshee 'pureblood inbred bastard' every so often in between her manic pleading for this Ron. Her desperate voice still echoes in my head. I couldn't help it at the time, I started to cry. Because as Rod and I heard our Mother's usually calm soothing voice hiss and screech like an angry Veela, we heard Father shout something a hundred times worse. Mudblood. He called her a Mudblood. Rod hugged me tightly then, his dark brown eyes staring at me as if…I don't even know how to explain it. Rod doesn't think Mother is pureblood, I can tell. I keep telling myself that it's not possible. After the Great War, they should no longer even exist.

I'm waiting for Rod to wake up. He fell asleep with his ear to the cold, stone entrance of the secret passage. If Father discovers that we haven't gone to Aunt Cissy's, he'll be so angry. Father angry is almost the scariest thing in life. He's not the second-in-command for no reason. When people realise who our father is, they usually bow so low that the top of their black piqued hats touches the ground. Father says it is because we are the last of our name. An ancient and powerful house. Rod says it's because our Father is Rabastan Lestrange.

…

Valeria

-X-


	4. Chapter 4

A.N: Hey guys :) Things will start to clear up soon! It's confusing now but that's only because as readers, we're following Valeria's stream of consciousness. It'll start to make a lot more sense in the next couple of chapters. We'll see Valeria piecing everything together a lot more quickly.

Dear Diary,

Hogwarts isn't the same. Not when I'm thinking about Mother all the time. Rod and I aren't speaking either. I mean sure just before we got off the Hogwarts Express, he reminded me that I can't tell anyone about what we heard that day hiding away in the secret passage (after having ignored me for the remainder of the holidays!) and since then he has been moody and distant at school too. I suppose it's because Father punished him extremely harshly when he had learned that Rod and I had not in fact actually gone to Aunt Cissy's. Regardless, I don't understand how that's my fault anyway.

After Rod had finally woken up in what I can assume was an extremely uncomfortable and ILL-TIMED nap (honestly what was he thinking?), we thought it would be wiser to use the fire place in the blue room just in case Dotty was waiting for us in front of the usual one everyone uses in the front hall. But in the end if did not matter which floo Rod and I attempted to use. Dotty had apparently gone straight to Father after she eventually stopped shouting for us, and Father had temporarily blocked all fireplaces. Rod and I had been holding hands tightly -mainly because he could see that I was so afraid- and we spun around once, twice, a third time in that sooty hearth before we fell out in a tumbling heap and were left facing the blue room once more. It took Father less than ten seconds to find us after that. I was told to go to my room and Rod was forced to clean the snake garden. He still sports the purpling tell-tale bruise of a venomous bite that Father would not heal until Rod was screaming he was sorry in the most inhumane cry I had ever heard. It echoed in the hallowed halls of our manor and I remember wondering briefly where Mother was. Could she not hear Rod? Did she even care right now? Eventually Grandfather Perseus strolled in confidently in to the portrait hanging above my bed, even though he's not supposed to do that. Father has warned him time and again that he will remove his portrait otherwise. Grandfather Perseus told me that Mother was sleeping in her chambers and that Father had slipped her a dreamless potion putting her to bed. She was okay. That was the main thing, even if Rod clearly wasn't. I stayed in my room, too scared to help Rod knowing it would just make his punishment worse and nervously awaited my turn.

Father came to me the next morning and pulled me on to his knee. I had been too anxious to sleep, afraid that finding me asleep would anger him even more. The fear of waiting had been a punishment itself. But perched on Father's lap, I suddenly felt overwhelmingly ashamed at what Rod and I had done. Father stayed silent waiting for me to speak. I tried to clear my throat, say something, anything at all but in the end I settled for crying. The first thing Father said in that gruff, throaty voice of his was that Rod was okay. I hid my face into father's neck hoping that what I had coming would not be as cruel as what Rod had to endure. He let me cry into his neck until I found myself falling asleep only to be shaken awake.

"Your mother… your mother's illness is not something for you to meddle in. It's a case that the Dark Lord himself is deeply invested with. Do you understand what that means?"

I nodded my head and tried to curl in on myself whilst desperately wishing that Rod and I had simply just done as we were told. Eventually, I found my voice. I could not help it. I had to ask Father why Mother had called him such awful names. Who exactly she was screaming for. Father refused to answer.

"You'd do well to forget everything you heard Valeria."

After that, Father simply slipped me off his knee until I stumbled and straightened into standing in front of him. No trips to Hogsmeade. That's my punishment. Dotty repeatedly reminded me that I was too spoilt when she packed my luggage for Hogwarts. She had wanted me to suffer the same fate as Rod.

In other news, Father wrote me two nights ago. He has spoken to Headmistress Thorpe and requested that Rod and I be allowed to come home for the weekend. Mother is in a happy mood and she misses us. Thorpe will permit it of course. She's too frightened of Father to say anything else. After I received my letter, I ran out of the common room in search for Rod. It was a perfect excuse for us to start speaking again. I made my way through the relatively empty halls knowing for sure that Rod would be in the library as he always is. It is his sixth year and if Rod is not top of his year then he gets angry with himself. I found him sitting right at the back, the betraying signs of the raven black hair that we share tied back with a black ribbon - he still won't cut it short and lately I've not been trying to convince him otherwise. Once Rod saw me however, he sighed and started packing up his books. It stung. It still stings. I tried to whisper, asking if he received a letter but he simply just walked away saying he had homework to do. He is so infuriating! After Rod left, I sat in his vacated seat and wondered just how long Rod intended to punish me for what had been his grand idea. Except something caught my eye. It was a torn bit of parchment with a list of book titles. I could recognise the calligraphic slant of Rod's writing. Looking closely, I saw that they all had one thing in common. They were all books on memory. One title in particular had been underlined three times read, _Breaking through Memory Spells and its consequences_ by Verity Lourde.

Verity Lourde.

As in the same Verity Lourde who has visited the Manor on many occasions as Father's guest. I've always hated her. She always wears dress robes two sizes too small and a bright red lipstick that expertly coats the curves of her falsely enlarged lips. Her hands are quick to touch Father's arm with every little thing that he says and her laugh so loud it makes me want to dig my fork into her forehead. Mother is always ill at these occasions, asleep in her chambers or else I'm sure she would not be happy either with how comfortable the twit is with Father.

Mother is always ill… when Verity Lourde comes to the man-

Fuck.

Valeria

-X-


End file.
